


Raw

by alumco



Series: Remnants of Regret [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Abandoment, Angst, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Ziva, Therapy, Tony DiNozzo has a mental breakdown, Tony Needs a Hug, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28003761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alumco/pseuds/alumco
Summary: Move on, said as if she'd never existed; nothing at all, like ash dispersed in the wind- A poetic snippet of the aftermaths of season 10's TIVA goodbye.
Relationships: Ziva David & Anthony DiNozzo, Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo
Series: Remnants of Regret [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051070
Kudos: 6





	Raw

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by a poem that I found on Tumblr. Author: anonymous. All mistakes are mine.

_Move on_ , harsh advice from people who call themselves family. Cracks on his wounded heart.

Head down. Quiet. No arguing. A recluse for months on end, staring at the empty desk across his own.

 _Move on,_ echoed. A scratched record, but each replay a distinct voice.

The memories blur; distorted images in his mind. Figments of his imagination; a creation of his craving heart? Except the pictures, hard proof.

He fights the battle worthy of a hundred men. The sole fighter to preserve her memory while the others, immune and unaffected.

 _Move on_ , said as if she'd never existed; nothing at all, like ash dispersed in the wind.

The anger box, too small, had overflowed. Inflamed with their words and brewing with her absence.

Scoffing and storming out like a teen, there’s three strikes against him. The threat, a reality. The orders signed. The therapy enforced.

The hold is slipping from his grasp. He can't keep fighting alone; can't be the only warrior. Silent no more, he screams, _"I love her!"_

He leaves them stunned and with that the orders for enforced therapy, approved. He walks away, defeated. 

...

Several minutes of debate outside the door; in or out? _Attend or suspend,_ the voice of his boss shouts in his head. 

In it is, but not without reluctance.

Regret, grief and anger not the best combination in a hostile patient.

"Agent DiNozzo", voice too chipper. He hates it already.

Several questions to build a rapport, she'd said. _Pure crap_ , he thinks. Dread runs through his veins like the caffeine that fuels his boss.

"How did it feel?"

He stares, agape. "What?"

"Leaving," voice tender to coax a wounded animal. “Her,” she adds.

Lashing out, he stands abruptly. He didn’t leave her, he screams.

He threatens to walk out. _Suspension_ , he hears and returns. Breathe, he reminds his lungs. Shaky hand through unruly hair, unleashing frustration.

"It was..." He hesitates; makes sense of the memories, the feelings, and the dreams. All distorted.

"Leaving, it was like taking my heart out of my chest unwilling.

I long her existence; I long her presence. 

And this longing is making me weak…"

Finally, a breath of fresh air that doesn't sting.

...

'Dear Ziva,' he starts to type an email he'll never send. Homework from his therapy session; committed to recovery.

'Yours forever, Tony.'

Click, save. He walks away.

…

Bing, 'message sent'.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
